OF RIDDLES AND DREAMS..

How a decade ends..

This time 10 years ago, everyone was in the “y2k” mode, God it sounds lame to even say it. All u cud see around was the word “millennium”, a seemingly newly discovered and suddenly overly used word. Some ppl prophesized and worried abt the mass failure of computer systems cuz they wudnt process the new date… sumthing tht wud create mass hysteria now..

We had this ‘disco party’ in us-makan’s hall.. Complete with dj and lighting and all that jazz.. I was 13.. too tall for my age, awkward and feeling a bit out of place, as always..

What were my dreams then?? Coming first, Making my parents proud, feeling a little proud myself? Catching the eye of sum cute guy, feeling beautiful and special? Dunno, probably just these, like every other 13 year olds’. (Don’t they still hold? ;p) Did I ever dream, fantasize or even imagine of the life I’m living now?? Hell no! Not even close... I doubt if I actually even thought of “10 years down the line...” I’m still not, pretty clueless abt the year next to worry abt the one a decade later..

Life changed, I changed. A shy, docile, moralistic, studious Kolkata girl grew up to be a determined, confused and more than a bit cuckoo Mumbai shrink and hypnotherapist…a dreamer. She went from being an unquestioning innocent sometimes mechanical devotee to an agnostic to a doubting and questioning believer, or ‘healer’ as she likes to call herself. But grown up has she? We never know, n guess we never will..

So what now… another decade of the century, another year of her life ends. Which chapters would she like to close n which does she choose to open? What resolutions for the sake of a new year? Or is it another new year for the sake of revisiting long-relinquished and old-forgotten or yet-unknown goals and resolutions? Who knows what the new year holds.. the magickal or the mundane? Now then isn’t it upto us to choose which one? Or is it?

How do u know what ur really doin? Are u surrendering or are u just giving up? Are u fighting for wat u think u want or are u interfering with divine plans? But isn’t ur drive to fight a part of tht plan? How do u know when to push a lil bit harder and wen to stop and wait?

Wait.. One of the most difficult thing for me to do, probably cuz it requires faith, faith tht there is light at the end of the tunnel.. what do I truly have honest unshakable unquestioning faith in? but then y cant faith be questioned? Does it cease to exist if put to test? I know it shouldn’t need a test, but it probably does to reach the stage where it doesn’t anymore.. Till then, keep looking for sumthing to believe in, sumthing tht helps u find you, helps u create you..

And that's how the twine untangles..